Erik
by The Storey
Summary: Everyone has heard of The Phantom of the Opera...well, most people. Anyway, just a funny little version of the ending of the film/musical, stating our opinon of his supposed real name. A colabouration, by The Storey and HarryBrumbyJacksonGames. Rated T because of mild language. Enjoy :) R


**Erik….**

Raoul legged it through the vaults. He had to find Christine, the woman he loved, the woman he wanted. Then he saw her through those huge iron bars. He ran towards them and crashed into them.

"I think my dear we have a guest!" The Phantom spun round, his distorted face harrowed in a frown.

"Raoul!" Christine ran towards the bars that separated Raoul and herself. "Let me see him!"

"Be my guest!" The Phantom raised the iron bars and Christine and Raoul fell into each other's arms.

The Phantom was against their passion and slung his red, hangman's noose around Raoul's neck and tugged hard. Raoul struggled and choked.

"Nothing can save you now except Christine!" The Phantom laughed a deep throaty laugh.

"Let her go Phantom or I will tell her your real name!" Cried Raoul with the breath he had Phantom looked at Raoul warily.

Christine looked at the Phantom puzzled, "Angel?"

"That was pretty gay, but no!" Raoul laughed. The Phantom glared evilly at Raoul.

"You wouldn't dare" hissed the mangled face. Raoul laughed but the noose made him cough and splutter.

"Oh yes I would" Raoul growled.

A small voice whimpered, "Rumplestiltskin?" Two faces looked round at the lady in the white wedding dress with confused looks. One pure and handsome, the other mauled and out of place.

"Erik….." the Phantom said, looking down, slightly ashamed. An awkward silence followed, with Christine making the shape of the awkward turtle with her hands. A snort of laughter and a choking noise soon broke the quiet. The Phantom slowly looked round at the guy, who was now having a coughing fit, in the noose with dark eyes.

"Let her go Erik! You fiend!" Raoul said with a sly smile and a slight chuckle.

Christine stood there for a moment, looking bored and then said "wow. I was expecting something more intimidating like, Phil." She pronounced the name clearly and precise.

The Phantom just sighed, crossed him arms and said, "I'm not exactly going to change my name now, when I have a mob of opera singers chasing after me, because I killed a fat guy and called the podgy woman a toad." He said the last bit with considerable speed, throwing his arms down and stomping his foot on the floor with fury; a bit like a 4 year old child who didn't get everything he wanted for Christmas.

"Ooooh diva much!" Raoul said in a high pitched voice, forgetting he had rope around his neck. He spluttered and fell forward, clutching the rope again.

"And make those your famous last words my friend!" The Phantom lunged towards Raoul, about to hang him when Christine pulled him back to face her.

"Sod it you bastard, kiss me!" Christine pushed her slender body onto the Phantoms and kissed him. Meanwhile, Raoul made disgusted faces and put two fingers into his open mouth. He turned away, then looked back at the two people kissing, gagged, then looked away again. His actions made the moment humorous rather than dramatic.

Christine pulled away from the Phantom of the Opera, who blushed, taken aback.

"Like that?" Christine smiled.

The Phantom nodded. "Yep!" He squeaked, his voice an octave higher than usual.

"Erik, not everyone in the world is cruel." Christine said softly, stroking the monstrous face making the Phantom look like an angry guard dog who had just listened to Snow White sing a lullaby.

Again Raoul broke the tension and the drama by letting out a short, sharp laugh. Just has he started laughing, two angry faces glared at him. His laugh died down and he coughed nervously, the cough turning into a fit.

"Erik!" A splutter of laughter, "I'm never going to get used to that."

"Will you just shut up?!"The Phantom strode up to Raoul. "You just love breaking the ice don't you?!"

"Yes I do!" Raoul grinned stupidly.

Christine shook her head, "Oh Raoul! Stop being such a baby!"

"You know what?" The Phantom sighed.

"What?" Raoul and Christine cocked their heads to one side.

"I'm sick of you two love struck idiots! GO!" The Phantom shouted and staggered away overcome by emotion.

Christine cried with delight and ran over to Raoul, pulling the noose off of him. Raoul fell forward, coughing.

"I'm so glad you're OK!" Christine cried, clutching Raoul's face and hugging him tightly.

"Christine! Can't…breathe!" Raoul wheezed, choking.

"Oh, I'm sorry" Christine said, carelessly, sounding as though she wasn't sorry at all.

"Will you two just GO ALREADY!" The Phantom screeched and broke down, collapsing to the floor.

Before they left, Raoul laughed and called back, "bye, ERIK!" Cackling with laughter, Raoul and Christine ran off.

The Phantom was alone once more. He cried softly and sang Masquerade to himself sadly. The small, toy, monkey figure holding a pair of symbols joined in with the tune.

"Shut it you useless piece of-" The Phantom was cut short by a quiet cough. "Christine…"

Christine looked into his tearful eyes and placed the gold ring he had given her into the palm of his hand.

"I'm sorry." She whispered and ran back to Raoul, who mouthed "ERIK" and giggled silently.

The Phantom fell into his throne with a thud as many opera singers and armed police flooded into the vaults calling "The Phantom of the Opera!"

The Phantom sighed and covered himself with a blanket as Meg Giry crawled underneath the bottom of the iron bars. She padded over to the throne seeing the shape of a man and pulled the blanket away. All she found was the famous white mask. Clearly, the bird had flown the nest.

Curious, she picked up the mask carefully and saw writing on the back. It read: "If found, please return this to Erik… ".

**FIN**


End file.
